Conflict & Test Patches

I have gotten so anxious lately about cutting my hair. These relaxed ends are driving me crazy, and I just want to see my natural hair already. So, while I was prepping my hair for a shampoo, my hands found the scissors on my desk, and I cut a test patch. And then another, and then another. They’re all small, and mostly inconspicuous, but I couldn’t believe I had just done it. It’s such a crazy moment to see those relaxed ends leave, and my natural hair finally curl up on the ends. It was very tempting to keep going….

BUT I’ve only transitioned for 6 months. My hair is only 3 inches stretched, and I’m not sure if I’m mentally prepared to make such a drastic change. My goal is to make it to next May (a year) and have 5 to 6 inches of hair to work with. I’ve never had short hair..EVER, and I’m 95% certain I wouldn’t like short hair on me. My entire life (possibly excluding the baby years lol) I’ve had long hair. I’ve dealt with insecurities my whole life, but one thing I’ve always loved about myself is my hair. So, this is kinda a big deal to me.

I want to be confident, I want to love me for who I am, no matter what my hair looks like. But I’m scared. I’m scared that I won’t like it, and that it will show. I’m scared of others looking at me crazy. I wish I could have that “I don’t care what you think” attitude. Sometimes, I pretend I do, but deep down, I know that I care. So, as much as I’m dying to chop off all of my relaxed hair right now, I just don’t think I’m ready. Who knows, maybe I’ll have a change of heart and cut it tomorrow, or maybe I’ll make it to May after all. Either way, I just want to enjoy my hair journey, and love my hair, whatever point I’m at.

Advertisement

It’s Growing :D

My hair is growing! I know, I know, that’s what hair is supposed to do, duh. But my transition has made me extra paranoid about my hair. I feel like months pass by and I don’t see any new growth. It’s there of course, but checking the length every week isn’t going to show me  a noticeable difference. Since I’ve been protective styling with my mini twists, I’ve been able to leave my hair alone, and stop obsessing over it so much. And what do you know, almost 4 weeks later I can actually tell a difference in my hair. Please enjoy these photos of me happily doing an unofficial length check with my webcam lol 🙂

My new growth stretched and unstretched after taking down my twists.

Full Circle

I got my first relaxer roughly 7 years ago; I remember it well. I was so excited to finally have long straight hair, and not have to wear my “little kid styles” anymore. If you had told me I’d ever be going back natural, I would’ve looked at you crazy! Yet here I am 7 years later transitioning. I was looking at old pictures, and I couldn’t help but to laugh at the irony. 

 

After everything I went through, here I am today wearing the exact same style that I deemed childish. Longing to get back to where I was.

 

I’m happy to be on my hair journey, though; happy to be getting to know my natural hair again. I think I’ve learned a lot, especially when it comes to patience. 

Oh, and I almost forgot, my tentative big chop date is May 10, 2014, my one year transitioning anniversary! This date is not set in stone, but I’m definitely leaning more towards it than anything else. I’ve been getting a little more anxious to cut my hair, but I just want a little more growth before I take the plunge. I definitely don’t want to drag this transition out too long either, so one year seems good to me. I should be back home from school by then, and I’ll have the summer to get used to my hair 🙂

That’s all for now, thanks for reading! 

 

Protective Styling

I’ve decided to start protective styling since its getting cold. I’m more into styles that I can do myself, and still take down as often as I want. Two styles I’d like to give a try are going to be two strand twists and wigs. I installed two strand twists on my hair on Friday, after washing it Thursday.

 

 

At first I didn’t like them because they’re so thin, but now I don’t mind. For one, seeing that thin relaxed hair is just giving me more encouragement to continue my transition. I can’t wait for my twists to be nice and thick when I’m natural. Plus, the only way for them to look thicker would have been to add hair, and I don’t really like extensions. I like to be able to get to and feel my real hair. I won’t mind taking these down in two weeks, but it would probably feel like a waste with extensions. So, I’m just going to flexi rod the ends, and put the twists in some nice updos. It’ll help me keep my hands out of my hair, and I won’t have to comb and brush it as much. 

Again, since I don’t like extensions, I’ve decided against weave. But, i really want to try a wig. I can take it off at night to let my hair breathe, and still wash my hair weekly if I want. I’m thinking of a straight bob style wig. I’m not trying to go all out and experiment with colors or long hair. I figure a simple one that just looks like a trimmed my real hair would look nice, and not draw too much attention. I really like this one from aliexpress: http://www.aliexpress.com/item/hot-best-quality-cheap-price-12-1b-remy-indian-virgin-precut-bob-lace-front-glueless-wig/891999362.html . So i may order it soon (after a trip to the bss to check the quality of their wigs).

Can’t wait to go on youtube and check out some more protective styles. Thanks for reading! 🙂