Conflict & Test Patches

I have gotten so anxious lately about cutting my hair. These relaxed ends are driving me crazy, and I just want to see my natural hair already. So, while I was prepping my hair for a shampoo, my hands found the scissors on my desk, and I cut a test patch. And then another, and then another. They’re all small, and mostly inconspicuous, but I couldn’t believe I had just done it. It’s such a crazy moment to see those relaxed ends leave, and my natural hair finally curl up on the ends. It was very tempting to keep going….


BUT I’ve only transitioned for 6 months. My hair is only 3 inches stretched, and I’m not sure if I’m mentally prepared to make such a drastic change. My goal is to make it to next May (a year) and have 5 to 6 inches of hair to work with. I’ve never had short hair..EVER, and I’m 95% certain I wouldn’t like short hair on me. My entire life (possibly excluding the baby years lol) I’ve had long hair. I’ve dealt with insecurities my whole life, but one thing I’ve always loved about myself is my hair. So, this is kinda a big deal to me.

I want to be confident, I want to love me for who I am, no matter what my hair looks like. But I’m scared. I’m scared that I won’t like it, and that it will show. I’m scared of others looking at me crazy. I wish I could have that “I don’t care what you think” attitude. Sometimes, I pretend I do, but deep down, I know that I care. So, as much as I’m dying to chop off all of my relaxed hair right now, I just don’t think I’m ready. Who knows, maybe I’ll have a change of heart and cut it tomorrow, or maybe I’ll make it to May after all. Either way, I just want to enjoy my hair journey, and love my hair, whatever point I’m at.


2 thoughts on “Conflict & Test Patches

  1. Calistro Ramirez

    Sometimes when we go for a drastic change we can tend to not like it as it stands alone. Perhaps a few new pieces to add to your wardrobe and mot important changing up your makeup a bit. It all ties together and when we change one we have to adjust a few things in other places. Good luck!

    1. adoremejay Post author

      I really needed to see this comment. Whenever I do go through with cutting my hair, I know some new makeup and accessories would definitely help me adjust. Thank you!


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